My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
