I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
