every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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