Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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