matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
