Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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