Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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