you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
