We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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