Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
