We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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