i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
