This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
