google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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