The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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