Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
