My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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