My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
