Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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