I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
