that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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