can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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