My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
