My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
