The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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