i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A bitchslap is in order.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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