At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
