She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
