Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
