once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
