i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
