i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize