totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
