Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
