I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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