he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
