you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
