The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There r osticjed everywhere
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
