I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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