cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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