and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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