In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
