What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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