Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
