we need to drink 2009 down the drain
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
