Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
