last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my poor anus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
