It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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