Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
