OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
