alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
