its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
