Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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