i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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