I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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