So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
