It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
