I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
