just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
