Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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